Mirror Mirror

It is not what you look like, nor the color of your eyes, but what steps you take to make it in life…
A cut, nor bruise ever holds you down, for regardless of your scars you stand profound. Now tell me do you love yourself truly like I wish you did?
You’ve come leaps and bounds since you were a kid, yet you push. Push through the gates; jump over walls, never hesitating or scared you will fall.
I’m proud of you.
You make me smile and every bad thing or experience worth while..Because you learned. You grew. You changed. Into a woman who I never knew, would be this lovely.
You’ve conquered many battles, wet and dry, but it never mattered because those eyes stayed burning with fire. A fire that not everyone can or will acquire. You amaze me.
Constantly evolving each day, it rarely matters what those who envy you do or say. For you’re focused. Focused on bettering yourself, on building a future where you won’t need no ones help.
Independent, to the fullest. Yet you never give yourself credit, not even hitting blackjack yet, but you hold all your cards.
How many people can say that? Rarely any for most want their lives to be molded by many…not one. You make me believe.
Believe that the light is brighter the farther you go. You know your destination, your path you don’t know… but isn’t that the journey? What makes life worth living? Whether you’re up or down, sad or happy, laying or sitting?
You’ve figured this out already and amaze me still. Looking into your eyes shows me the doors are open, for you will never stop progress, resistant to being broken.
I love you. For you have given me so much. By just being you, never being out of touch. Look at yourself more often, cause its not just CoverGirl shining through, you’re a remarkable woman Brittani, continue to be you :)

Making Of Me

Okay so heres whats on my mind. Today i went to the dentist(dont ask) and i did some thinking. I go 2 this nice dental spa so they have flat screens attached to where u lay so you can listen 2 music or watch movies while they work on your teeth. So anyways, im laying there and they had a list of songs they played and for some reason, it all got me thinking about my life.

So i start thinking about what im currently doing, college full time, gym most of the week, looking for a new job, writing music(in the recording process) and slowly getting into modeling. Many may not see this as much, but with 15 units alone in college and having hw,study time, and 6 books to read as well as papers to write, that alone is hectic.

But 4 some reason, this is not enough for me. Given I'am only 19, about to complete my AA & keep attending for my BA, i think iam doing well yes. But there is so much more I want to do. Time is already scarce for me, but i want to push myself even harder.

Iam aiming to finish my solo album within a yr and keep performing solo and with my guys. I want to finish my BA, then look for my next step. Im aiming to get signed and get the next big thing in music and i will not stop until i make my mark. Im working on becoming a model and want to be in ads, commercials, videos and wont stop until i do that as well. Im going to start my own handbag line(im a purse junkie) and promote myself that way as well. I eventually want to work at a label and own my own line in it as well. I want to start my own foundation or organization so i can give back and help people. Theres soooo much more i want to do and guess what? Im hoping to achieve most of this within a yr or 2.

People need to see Iam busy, physically and mentally. My mind works in a different way then most people I know, so no i do not expect everyone to understand. Average is not good enough for me. I do not purposely ignore people, nor try to hurt them. I do not keep to myself and stay m.i.a because i hate people. no not at all. Fact is my mind is on another level and Im only trying to step higher, not lower. I usually am by myself because I can count on me. Because i have my moments where im thinking and doing 100 things at once and instead of keeping people around me 24/7 and making them upset by this, i stay by myself. No iam not trying to not be in contact with people at all, i do do my best, Im just focused and driven.Yes im 19. But my mind is more advanced for my age, has been for yrs, and im so excited and ready to push all boundaries and do me.

I felt i needed to address this because Im still developing "me". Still developing in school and music and I know iam going to do big things. I hope people understand that certain things i do are not intentional, but are done because there are many levels of me, Many alter egos. Yes im a nerd, yes i entertain by singing and performing, but i have a deep personal life as me and unlike the others where im outgoing and social, my private life i keep quiet, i hide it within myself. It has always been like that. So that is the main reason i mostly keep to myself in that sense.

Overall, i hope people see my vision, my drive, my over passion for my life. I appreciate everyone, literally everyone on my myspaces,facebook, twitter etc who support me or msg me, comment me etc. I literally take the time several times a day to go through them all and see what u guys said or wrote on my page or videos , to my statuses etc. Just see that Im only 1 person, in a life unlike every1 else because theres only 1 of me. We all have different lives and situations. Just see iam going up, and i love for people to continue to support and follow me along my journey. Iam in the "making of me" right now. Cant wait to see what happens :) kisses

"Inner Circle"

Tonight was a good night, went to Huntington, took care of a few things, had a good time. I got to thinking on the way home about the people I surround myself with, people I meet and most of all my "friends". Now lets define friend. A friend to me is someone who supports me, who I trust, who has my back,stands up for me, looks out 4 me in all situations,who loves me regardless of what others say and who is consistent/real with all their words and actions. When I broke it down in my mind to my definition, I realized I have been very lenient with my current friends and am sort of fed up.Here's why.

I know many people yes, network and mingle yes, even have several new aquaintences weekly. But "friends" come far and few for me so it is rare you will see me close with someone because of this. I felt dumb today when I was talking to my mom about a current situation Im in, and it got me thinking. I currently dropped a friendship because this person did me wrong. Ran my name up& down the street,told my other friends lies so they would keep far from me and even twisted the words I said2her when I confided in her.Sad part was she did all this while smiling in my face.Txting/calling me,going shopping,2the gym,even took me with her 2 several family events.We "were" friends but when she got caught up, instead of apologizing, her big ego-prideful "im better than u" attitude got in the way & instead said thats how she always felt. Bullshit. She was so jealous of me becuase y would u act this way?She spun me so bad2 my other friends that she didnt wanna retract&be WRONG so she made it seem like she did believe all that she said. "Bitch" is all I have 2 say..Anyways, this is what happened with me n my mom.

So I was telling her whats been going on lately with this and the recent events relating to this. My other friends have been leaving me out of shows and trips. Not because they didnt think2invite me, not cuz they dont like me, not even cause they 4 got. They didnt invite me cause the "bitch" chick said SHE DIDNT WANNA C me(keep in mind she did ME dirty) so they didnt invite me so "bitch" wouldnt b madcuz she was going...so at first im sad. because this girl was a nasty friend 2 me, I cut her off and because of what she did, Im missing out on time with my friends. It so twisted to me. I feel as if they r catering 2 her. She doesnt deal with her dirty work. Every 1 seems 2 deal with it 4 her. If they werent catering 2 her, then i woulda been invited point blank. Y am i the only1 cut out? y cant they tell her 2 deal with it like a women and that im their friend 2. So I told my mom this...and i felt stupid...

She looked at me like I was dumb. She stated how im going through the same shit i went through with my "x"best friend from highschool. She said that its dumb becuase no1 else should b trEating me different. thats friends shouldnt ever cut me off and exclude me 4rm things for another person that has proved time and time again she fake and onoly does things 4 her and no 1 else. My mom also said that "bitch"was women enough2 dig herself in2 a lie that I shouldnt b the 1 excluded when she should deal with what she did n how she feels, not have me cut off when she was the one who started a fake situation. Lets just say I got upset. I was still sad but now i was mad&felt stupid. Cuz she made sense.

If one of my friends did something2another 1 and they werent friends,I would never exclude1 for the other. Whoever was the 1 holding the grudge, I would tell them its their situation and all of us r going to b going on this trip so if u can deal with it go, if u cant then stay home, Plain n simple. I put myself in my friends shoes and saw I wouldnt cut any of the off for the bad 1 cause I love them. & what is happening to me is unfair. Point blank. I do not have as many "friends" to begin with and the fact iam excluded due to a self-centered/fake person is beyond me. My mothers shaking of her head and harsh reality check really put things in2 perspective4me today.. I wish that for any1 reading this, be ur own person. Do not hurt another friend u have for one friend whos proven they have more bad intentions than good. Ur friends need2 be adults and deal with what theyve done. Dont make the person who already was hurt by them suffer more by u.. how do i feel rite now while im typing this? sad/angry/confused/stupid/enlightened/numb... :-/ muah