Tis' The Season

Well it will officially be Christmas in about 2 and a half hours...2009...wow...
It was definitely crazy, a journey, had it's up's and down's but I learned alot about myself. Tomorrow is Christmas and even though it is getting smaller in my family, I cherish every minute of it. It's looking like I will not be at home this time next year so I'm going to enjoy this Christmas at home...
Many major changes and plans are in the works right now and I really hope it works out well for me. So many doors have opened this year and I'm excited to see just how much farther I will go in 2010....Well I hope everyone enjoys their Holiday, whichever one you celebrate :)
Kisses everyone

Holiday Season

Well 2009 is wrapping up and Christmas is this Friday...
I've really been thinking about this year and how far I have come. Next year will be even greater. More music, graduating in May, planning on transferring and moving, also will hopefully have a new job. So much in the works and I'm very excited.
One thing I learned this year was to push myself and not settle for less than I know I can attain. I spent time this year worrying about situations I shouldn't have and always trying to fix things that I was unable to fix. I was so easy to settle on certain things just so I wouldn't have to deal with it any further which is not me at all. So 2010 is going to be amazing. I'm never that woman to back down or sit and not accomplish anything. You will see alot from me this upcoming year so stay tuned!
As for Christmas, I'm ready for it. Egg-nog,presents, family time. Should be a good week/weekend...My advice for everyone tonight? Be yourself in every situation for the real you will take you far.. Goodnight everyone...

Cross Fire

Today was good, thought it would finish out that way but it didn't...
I really enjoyed today, makeup and outfit were on pt, ran errands, got boba with Kiki, went back 2 her place and had a bomb dinner and watched a movie,but now here I'am upset, due to another's actions.
Here's a little something about me: communication is key. I do not enjoy guessing games nor people being okay one minute then outta the blue change up with NO communication.Do not leave me in the dark.
Tonight something came up where for some reason, I'm being negatively affected. Someone close2me is going through something because of their X.Now needing ur own space is fine but when you push ME away, hurt ME because of what your X or whoever is doing to YOU, that is not the biz to me. I've done nothing but be down for this person so to have them not call or text back, not even meet up with me to talk in person is a slap in the face. I feel like im caught in the middle of a cross fire, where 2 people are shooting, but my body is the body who gets hit with the stray bullet. That is EXACTLY how I feel right now.
To me, this is crazy. Everyone who knows me knows I not only do me, but i keep my friendships and relationships close to my heart 4 I do not get close to alot of people. So when people, out of stress or whatever, take things out on me and hurt me WHILE assuming, it really hurts me. What do I need to learn and ponder on?
That everything that glitters isn't gold. I shouldn't care so much but right now I do. I give more than I receive&it keeps biting me in the ass. I have a busy week and I do not need this ish. Bottom line, If i care enough to be consistent with you and do all i can to be there, don't shoot me with the gun when someone else shoots at you..night...

Moment of Clarity

So lately my "love life" has been on my mind. I noticed nothing EVER works out for me. Now when all said and done, I feel i have so much to offer anyone, but today I noticed something else.
So currently I'm single but have a thing for a certain someone. I knew I was a strong woman to begin with but I also knew sometimes I let things from my past creep back in and affect my present situations. For example, I talked with someone 4 over 4 yrs and never got the title. He messed me up emotionally and mentally really bad when it comes to trusting men and letting my guard down. So i found out today, Im letting those negative past issues come back up with this new man. I dont see myself as this scared person when it comes to men but somethings i said today showed me that I need to forget and accept those issues. I never compare anyone to the one next to them, but I realized Im still letting my past affect me and I shouldnt, its not fair to anyone and definitely doesnt show this new man who I'am or how I feel. So to this man:

I'm sorry, I view you on a whole different level and our potential is amazing. I only ask for you to realize I'am working through my past pains and don't stray from me while I do so, I appreciate you and "Dig" you, you know this :) I tend to express myself at an extreme level and I'm sorry if you take it in anyway other than how I mean it. My past is crazy, I've been hurt so much so being treated well is very new for me, I'm trying handsome, MW I care alot, dont forget that :)

My lesson for myself today, let go of all past experiences that will hinder you from gaining something amazing. Im slowly starting to learn that it's okay to take my wall down and especially with "MW",I ned to be able to start fresh and let the past go. Im a major hard ass at times, and "getting sum1 b4 they get me" has always been my defense mechanism, obviously it's wrong lol so I'm trying to fix that completely.So like Madea, Getting them b4 I get Got is what I'm used to lol but I see something now that is so new and something I want so bad, I'm willing to do anything I can...just my thoughts today :)

Fantasy Ride

Licking your lips, the temptation is too much to bear…
Your sweating like you just ran a million miles to see this show…
Patiently waiting, heart beating, heavy breathing…
You have no idea what you’re about to witness….
Lights low, bass is heavy; you ball your hands into fists
As you bite your lip, hot with anticipation…
Can you handle this Fantasy Ride baby?
You’ve heard about this coaster, you even read about it,
But not all of what you read or see is true…
So you’re here to see for yourself, is this just a dream
Or is it reality?
Many things are judged but what are the facts?
Can you handle this journey, this adventure, this pathway into a new beginning?
For it is a difficult journey to reach the core; mysterious but sexy,
Thrilling yet time consuming, but the prize at the end is worth the voyage…
Are you ready to set sail? You must be open to changes in weather and spontaneous
Choices with this expedition. Don’t worry, it is worth it.
It will not be an easy task though, for it takes a certain flower to attract a butterfly...
So ready… set…go….
Welcome to My show, introducing the main attraction…ME…
Can you handle this fantasy ride?
The thrill and prize is worth the wait and battle
--Main Attraction Now Open--

Birthday Girl

"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!"


It's officially my birthday. Wow time flys! Yes im only 20 but I feel I have come so far already. I have accomplished so much since I graduated highschool and now I'm about to graduate college with my AA, transfer to a Cal State and start my BA all before I'm 21. Life is looking good...

I learned alot about myself these past few years. I found out just how strong my personality and drive can actually be. Some people are no longer in my life due to certain things, but I'm happy that I can sit here today and be proud, as well as confident in who I'am and who I'm striving to be.

I'm going to keep it short and sweet cause I'm tired lol and have alot to do for my bday but here's my bday advice. Be you. There were so many times relationship's were on the line, but because I was myself, I learned who was here for the whole journey and who was only here for a mild chapter. Things happen for a reason. Be true to yourself and you can never stray to far from where you want to be in Life.

I do want to thank those of you who do support me. Who come to my shows, who visit and look at all my sites and postings. It means alot to me. I take the time to personally go through everything on each site and all the feedback, msgs and so forth are very appreciated. I made it another year, and this next one will be even better than the last. I hope to continue to have the support of those of you who are friends or believers in me. Thank you!

Again, happy birthday to me! :)

Mirror Mirror

It is not what you look like, nor the color of your eyes, but what steps you take to make it in life…
A cut, nor bruise ever holds you down, for regardless of your scars you stand profound. Now tell me do you love yourself truly like I wish you did?
You’ve come leaps and bounds since you were a kid, yet you push. Push through the gates; jump over walls, never hesitating or scared you will fall.
I’m proud of you.
You make me smile and every bad thing or experience worth while..Because you learned. You grew. You changed. Into a woman who I never knew, would be this lovely.
You’ve conquered many battles, wet and dry, but it never mattered because those eyes stayed burning with fire. A fire that not everyone can or will acquire. You amaze me.
Constantly evolving each day, it rarely matters what those who envy you do or say. For you’re focused. Focused on bettering yourself, on building a future where you won’t need no ones help.
Independent, to the fullest. Yet you never give yourself credit, not even hitting blackjack yet, but you hold all your cards.
How many people can say that? Rarely any for most want their lives to be molded by many…not one. You make me believe.
Believe that the light is brighter the farther you go. You know your destination, your path you don’t know… but isn’t that the journey? What makes life worth living? Whether you’re up or down, sad or happy, laying or sitting?
You’ve figured this out already and amaze me still. Looking into your eyes shows me the doors are open, for you will never stop progress, resistant to being broken.
I love you. For you have given me so much. By just being you, never being out of touch. Look at yourself more often, cause its not just CoverGirl shining through, you’re a remarkable woman Brittani, continue to be you :)

Making Of Me

Okay so heres whats on my mind. Today i went to the dentist(dont ask) and i did some thinking. I go 2 this nice dental spa so they have flat screens attached to where u lay so you can listen 2 music or watch movies while they work on your teeth. So anyways, im laying there and they had a list of songs they played and for some reason, it all got me thinking about my life.

So i start thinking about what im currently doing, college full time, gym most of the week, looking for a new job, writing music(in the recording process) and slowly getting into modeling. Many may not see this as much, but with 15 units alone in college and having hw,study time, and 6 books to read as well as papers to write, that alone is hectic.

But 4 some reason, this is not enough for me. Given I'am only 19, about to complete my AA & keep attending for my BA, i think iam doing well yes. But there is so much more I want to do. Time is already scarce for me, but i want to push myself even harder.

Iam aiming to finish my solo album within a yr and keep performing solo and with my guys. I want to finish my BA, then look for my next step. Im aiming to get signed and get the next big thing in music and i will not stop until i make my mark. Im working on becoming a model and want to be in ads, commercials, videos and wont stop until i do that as well. Im going to start my own handbag line(im a purse junkie) and promote myself that way as well. I eventually want to work at a label and own my own line in it as well. I want to start my own foundation or organization so i can give back and help people. Theres soooo much more i want to do and guess what? Im hoping to achieve most of this within a yr or 2.

People need to see Iam busy, physically and mentally. My mind works in a different way then most people I know, so no i do not expect everyone to understand. Average is not good enough for me. I do not purposely ignore people, nor try to hurt them. I do not keep to myself and stay m.i.a because i hate people. no not at all. Fact is my mind is on another level and Im only trying to step higher, not lower. I usually am by myself because I can count on me. Because i have my moments where im thinking and doing 100 things at once and instead of keeping people around me 24/7 and making them upset by this, i stay by myself. No iam not trying to not be in contact with people at all, i do do my best, Im just focused and driven.Yes im 19. But my mind is more advanced for my age, has been for yrs, and im so excited and ready to push all boundaries and do me.

I felt i needed to address this because Im still developing "me". Still developing in school and music and I know iam going to do big things. I hope people understand that certain things i do are not intentional, but are done because there are many levels of me, Many alter egos. Yes im a nerd, yes i entertain by singing and performing, but i have a deep personal life as me and unlike the others where im outgoing and social, my private life i keep quiet, i hide it within myself. It has always been like that. So that is the main reason i mostly keep to myself in that sense.

Overall, i hope people see my vision, my drive, my over passion for my life. I appreciate everyone, literally everyone on my myspaces,facebook, twitter etc who support me or msg me, comment me etc. I literally take the time several times a day to go through them all and see what u guys said or wrote on my page or videos , to my statuses etc. Just see that Im only 1 person, in a life unlike every1 else because theres only 1 of me. We all have different lives and situations. Just see iam going up, and i love for people to continue to support and follow me along my journey. Iam in the "making of me" right now. Cant wait to see what happens :) kisses

"Inner Circle"

Tonight was a good night, went to Huntington, took care of a few things, had a good time. I got to thinking on the way home about the people I surround myself with, people I meet and most of all my "friends". Now lets define friend. A friend to me is someone who supports me, who I trust, who has my back,stands up for me, looks out 4 me in all situations,who loves me regardless of what others say and who is consistent/real with all their words and actions. When I broke it down in my mind to my definition, I realized I have been very lenient with my current friends and am sort of fed up.Here's why.

I know many people yes, network and mingle yes, even have several new aquaintences weekly. But "friends" come far and few for me so it is rare you will see me close with someone because of this. I felt dumb today when I was talking to my mom about a current situation Im in, and it got me thinking. I currently dropped a friendship because this person did me wrong. Ran my name up& down the street,told my other friends lies so they would keep far from me and even twisted the words I said2her when I confided in her.Sad part was she did all this while smiling in my face.Txting/calling me,going shopping,2the gym,even took me with her 2 several family events.We "were" friends but when she got caught up, instead of apologizing, her big ego-prideful "im better than u" attitude got in the way & instead said thats how she always felt. Bullshit. She was so jealous of me becuase y would u act this way?She spun me so bad2 my other friends that she didnt wanna retract&be WRONG so she made it seem like she did believe all that she said. "Bitch" is all I have 2 say..Anyways, this is what happened with me n my mom.

So I was telling her whats been going on lately with this and the recent events relating to this. My other friends have been leaving me out of shows and trips. Not because they didnt think2invite me, not cuz they dont like me, not even cause they 4 got. They didnt invite me cause the "bitch" chick said SHE DIDNT WANNA C me(keep in mind she did ME dirty) so they didnt invite me so "bitch" wouldnt b madcuz she was going...so at first im sad. because this girl was a nasty friend 2 me, I cut her off and because of what she did, Im missing out on time with my friends. It so twisted to me. I feel as if they r catering 2 her. She doesnt deal with her dirty work. Every 1 seems 2 deal with it 4 her. If they werent catering 2 her, then i woulda been invited point blank. Y am i the only1 cut out? y cant they tell her 2 deal with it like a women and that im their friend 2. So I told my mom this...and i felt stupid...

She looked at me like I was dumb. She stated how im going through the same shit i went through with my "x"best friend from highschool. She said that its dumb becuase no1 else should b trEating me different. thats friends shouldnt ever cut me off and exclude me 4rm things for another person that has proved time and time again she fake and onoly does things 4 her and no 1 else. My mom also said that "bitch"was women enough2 dig herself in2 a lie that I shouldnt b the 1 excluded when she should deal with what she did n how she feels, not have me cut off when she was the one who started a fake situation. Lets just say I got upset. I was still sad but now i was mad&felt stupid. Cuz she made sense.

If one of my friends did something2another 1 and they werent friends,I would never exclude1 for the other. Whoever was the 1 holding the grudge, I would tell them its their situation and all of us r going to b going on this trip so if u can deal with it go, if u cant then stay home, Plain n simple. I put myself in my friends shoes and saw I wouldnt cut any of the off for the bad 1 cause I love them. & what is happening to me is unfair. Point blank. I do not have as many "friends" to begin with and the fact iam excluded due to a self-centered/fake person is beyond me. My mothers shaking of her head and harsh reality check really put things in2 perspective4me today.. I wish that for any1 reading this, be ur own person. Do not hurt another friend u have for one friend whos proven they have more bad intentions than good. Ur friends need2 be adults and deal with what theyve done. Dont make the person who already was hurt by them suffer more by u.. how do i feel rite now while im typing this? sad/angry/confused/stupid/enlightened/numb... :-/ muah

Relationships 101

Okay so yours truly is single. Never had a boyfriend and never really had any luck with the dating scene. But somehow in my mind, I feel like building a connection with the opposite sex is worth it at the end. I'am always great at giving the advice, looking from outside the box into it. Now Im not stating I know everything and NO I'm not a counselor but I do know a thing or two from my own experiences, seeing my peers around me and living in a household with two parents. This blog came to my mind literally 1 mintue ago. I got an idea to write about this because I saw a bulletin a friend of mine had put out. It was practically " pouring out " her thoughts, emotions etc.To me there is nothing wrong with venting but what I did see was alot of things that differ in her mind that what a man may do,say,feel etc. My point is dating isn't easy, but it is easier when you understand the basics and try to understand the opposite sex. A foundation with someone is key in order to build something greater ontop of it. Now this blog will be short but hopefully informative to those who read;though this is only a small portion of what we all should think about, I think the pts I do hit are key. here are my thoughts:

Things Women Should Know:
-Do not txt/call/email/msg a man a million times if he does not respond right away. This is the easiest way for a man to think your clingy and men like their "own space". Doing this only causes him to pull back.
-Try not to ask him a million ?s after a long day or after he has expressed his day was bad. Men tend to answer questions when is necessary, not every second of everyday and especially not when hes angry.
-Be comfortable in your own skin&don't reach for attention. If a man is feeling or thinking something he wants to share with you, he will. Asking him what he thinks of you or your outfit or what you did for him constantly will lead him to think your insecure.
-Asking a man out or surprising him is a good thing! Don't let a guy think he HAS to buy you things,take you out, call you, txt you etc.This is 2009, YOU can show him your giving it your 50% by taking the 1st step&making an effort.
-Giving a man 100% of you physically is not attractive. Yes men are visual but if you send him naked pix right when you meet him, make sexual gestures 100% of the time and have sex with him right away, its pretty much sealing ur fate of him knowing ur not that "wifey" type&he will not chase you. Sex is something any1 can get from any1. It is a emotional and mental connection that will keep a man who is ready 4 commitment there in your presence.
-Constantly trying to dominate your man&act like your always right will leave you single. A man is a man for a reason& will not take a pushy woman very far with him. If you have an opinion, COMMUNICATE&calmly voice it, giving him a chance to voice his as well. It is important that addressing an issue is done by 2, and not done by 1 on an angry fashion.
-Be flexable. Men think in the moment and aren't as detailed and structured as women at times. If he asks to reschedule or calls a hour or two late, do not curse him out lol please. Make those little changes for harping on the little issues will make them think you will nit pick at everything and freak out if a bigger issue arises.


What Men Should Know:
-Women like plans. If you made plans with her for friday&the same day your buddy asks you to come chill, don't blow her off for something you can do the next day. Blowing off a girl for your homies makes her feel like shes not important. Family or personal issues are understandable but don't cancel on a date to go play video games.
-We need communication. If your having a bad week, do not ignore us for 7 days. Simply let us know whats going on&that you need space.Many good women will understand this&stay by your side while you work it out.Most will even make a effort to help you feel better&this is good because some woman wouldn't think twice2help you in a time of need.
-Appreciated&Acknowledge the little things we do! Many good women will plan out something cute or little for you just to see you happy such as showing up at ur game 2 support u when u didnt ask her to or sending u a goodmorning txt to see how how ur feeling if you were sick. All we ask is that u acknowledge it. Don't kiss our feet but see that we think highly enough of you to do something for you that someone else might not think of or care 2 do.
-Be consistent with your words&your actions. To us they go hand in hand. Women are very analytical so if you say your gonna take her out cause you wanna spend time then you bail without notice or a call, we take it hard. It makes us feel good when you follow through with both of those things, showing us your making just as much as an effort as we are.
-Say and do what you mean! If your not ready to date or be in a relationship, don't be in one or act like you want 1. One major problem females have with males is we all have been hurt in the past & are looking for someone to be honest& real in all the do/say. So if you act like your that man @ 1st with the opposite intentions, don't waste your time or our with trying to "play" around.
-Be fully committed. If your telling a girl ur dating or ur gf you only want them& are only with them,make sure you stick to that. We are used to being played with so don't have us& 3 other girls on the side that ur dating or being sexual with. Being sexual or physical with us&other women when u say its only us is unforgettable. It is the most disrespectful thing you can do and we will not forgive or forget it.
-We like affection. If your not a kisser, make sure she knows that from the jump and hold her hand instead. Always substitute something out for something you do like&let her know. We see this as a major effort to show us were wanted and remember we like the little things to.Random kissins/gestures or comments to make us smile is so small but so big to us.

My Advice To Everyone:
-Be yourself 100% of the time! I found out in my experiences the #1 reason I'am single is men have falsely portrayed themselves to me, as women do to men. When you meet someone, be straight forward from the beginning that way you both can figure out if there is a connection worth persuing or not. It is the biggest deal to change up in the middle of dating someone. It is a waste of everyones time and nothing was gained. even if your not looking for commitment right away, make that known and still be 'you'. You might end up falling for that person and if you were fake thinking that you didn't want anything and now do, your more than likely going2be hurt & alone for the other person will see you as fake. I think everyone eventually wants someone and wants to be happy. Its best in my eyes just to be real because you never know who you fall in love with and never know when your ready to fall.. :)

..Lust.Life.Love...

Lust: To have a yearning or desire; have a strong or excessive craving...

How many times in a day do we experience "lust"? Let alone a month?...
It seems we lust over EVERYTHING, or @ least I do; it doesn't necessarily mean ONLY for a man/woman 100% of the time, according the the definition I have. I lust over success, material objects, the opposite sex occasionally, money, food, friendship, happiness etc...Don't we all Lust over something? There is nothing wrong with it, which I had to learn over a period of time, but We sometimes get so "caught up" in this idea that it turns into an "obsession"; Then it can be defined as "bad". I currently was lusting over pair of shoes! I had the "desire" to get them, but the were $85! Even though I was "craving" them, $85 is a little to much for me @ this pt and I moved on. Now is that "lusting" bad? NO, because I didn't buy them, didn't keep walking by them and didn't say F it and go broke just to have them. IF I had done something like that then it becomes and "obsession", turning lust into a bad thing. My pt to this is that we can crave(lust) over things and desire the opposite sex in a positive way. So many people thinking lusting only leads to heartaches and negative consequences. I think that CAN be true but only when we PUSH it too far.

Life: A corresponding state, existence, or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul.

Are you LIVING or just EXISTING? To me, there is a very distinct difference. We all EXIST for we are breathing, moving, having some kind of thoughts and actions. But even if your existing, are you LIVING in that state? Life is short! You can be alive and still not be living. Let me break down my thoughts(im random i know lol). If i were to wake up everyday and lie in bed alllll day, not doing anything, I feel Im ONLY existing. Why? Because to LIVE fully, you have to experience LIFE, meaning and outside state seperate from yourself for life has so much to offer! People, activities, emotions, experiences etc. I feel sad when people say "I have no life". I think to myself "why don't you?" We all go through things, good and bad, and if we isolate ourselves from the world and its experiences, were taking away the very core of what lets us LIVE? Does that make sense? lol it does to me in some odd way. Point blank, LIVE! Take chances, meet people, try new things, open up to others and new experiences! I think it's worth it...

Love: To have love or affection for another person; be in love.

Love...what a topic, at least for me. Why did I choose this definition&not the 100's of others they have?Because I feel this one relates to the current thought in my head *perfectly*. We get up everyday and might love to go to work, love our friends, love our families, love our outfit or belongings etc. But why are so many of us afraid to "love"? For me, it is because of a bad experience. I fell in love *once*. From day 1, we had a connection & to this day haven't found again. Why did it end up bad? Because he had been hurt by his past relationships&didn't know how to love again, like he had no heart. 4 yrs, and I was never the girlfriend..It left me heartbroken&to this day hurts. Why? Because he told me he loved me, but couldn't committ to me. Pulled back when we were close, 99% of the way to full love and he pulled back..i was *heartbroken* to say the least. What's the pt to this? I feel You NEED to love another, eventually. Yeah I was hurt, I fell and had no one to pick me up but me..But..do ya know what I learned? That love IS possible. Not everyone finds that kind of connection right away, but when you do and its genuine, it's amazing...truly..for me, it opened up another pocket in my heart which produced a feeling not possible to feel by anything else... So many men/women I know are scared to love. Either because their not ready mentally, loved b4 in the past& it hurt them, or because they do not fully know what LOVE is. If you don't know what it feels like, then why run from something that in my opinion is so fulfilling? My point is , don't rush or go looking for it, just be open to the idea, and if/when it comes, TRY it IF you feel its right...Love from family/friends is amazing, but Love with another person is another level, another category and I only wish for people to be open to experiencing it :)

Random College Courses

Okay so today is Labor Day, woot woot! BBQin' for most people, not me.
I had a horrible weekend, its safe to say! Not all of it was soo bad, but for the most part, it was more negative then positive. So today I had to pick up the slack from this weekend. Errands upon errands, studying,cleaning, getting ready 4 class tomorrow etc. Then I remembered, I had to do my online work and turn it it by 5am tomorrow, So I did...
Im taking a online religious studies class on top of 3 other classes because I needed more units and I'm a nerd so I overachieve, alot lol. I have never taken an online class because I love being in the classroom and having "personal contact" learning with my peers as well as the instructor. Anyways lets just say a "online" course was and still is "not" my thing. So the description of my course read this and i QUOTE... "This course is an introduction to the diverse expression of religion in the United States, including the Puritans, slave religion, the religious reform movements, the Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, and Muslim communities, the African American religious experience, Eastern religions in America, and contemporary syncretistic religious movements.".... Random right?
So on top of me not liking online classes, now Im in a religous studies class, something I've never dabbled in. I've done chemistry and calculus but NEVER a religious course. So this is my 3rd week doing this class online and I'm understanding it. I have my required txts and even though it took me a while to learn this online ish, I've got it. I'm also taking Political Science, My last and highest English and a Biology Lab/Lecture course. Now if that isn't a full load, I dunno what is lol.
The point to my blog today is this. YOU are your only obstacle. Their is always a answer to a problem in front of you for you are the biggest issue you will have 2 overcome. I HATE online classes, But I'am doing it and doing it well WHILE taking a full load of classes, recording, writing music, hitting gym and doing everything else in my crazy life...
YES some of us are good at school and others of us despise it, but regardless of how it makes you feel, it is building YOU and your life up from what it was. It is meant to be a challenge because growth is never achieved from doing something easy that you already know. Though I have grown up loving school, I had to adapt myself and my work ethic to push through these courses, as well as this online class. Last semester I took Philosophy, Anthropology, English and Psycology(aced them all) and still this semester is soooo much more work and stress for me. But I realized this...I'm the only one whos going to push me. If my grade is below an A, especially below a B, I've realized it's because I DIDN'T put the work in, My teacher could care less, and he should in a sense, because its MY LIFE, MY GRADES, MY FUTURE....
I always knew the deeper I go in school, the harder it will be, but I really realized today just how much IM apart of my passing or failing(sound dumb it may) but its true. You may be in a hard situation, but look ahead to what you will get out of it if you stick it through and give it your all. Life is already complicated so why not make it easier and prove to yourself that YOU control whether you rise or fall? :) Can't wait for more random thoughts to share :)

Kisses....

Music & Me

So today is my first day on here. Im sure most of you know i have 2 myspaces and one is a music one. I also have every other site imaginable to network on. What most people don't seem to realize is that I'am 1 person with several different roles in life, one happening to be a performer/artist. It is hard enough going through my day to day routine without throwing my other side in the mix because Music IS ME. I'am a music artist when I'am in school or when im in starbux grabbing a coffee but I also am HUMAN with a personal life that I tend to keep seperate. Just because you remember me from high school but never said hi to me doesn't mean I owe you anything.

I had a recent experience where I saw 2 people who I was cordial with in high school who did have my number back then. I was in a rush and they kept calling me over so I went over ( keep in mind these people havent talked 2 me in yrs, nor have support me in my music). They kept badgering me, saying I need to give them my new # so we can talk like the past. I told them I really didn't see the pt in the nicest way I could say it. Then the 2 mens tones switched and stated "your all hollywood now or something"? Let's just saw i was annoyed, said my peace & left. First off, If i choose not to socialize with you like i did yrs and yrs ago it is because 1 you did something wrong to me, 2 you havent been in my life for yrs and only want to holler or 3 you only come around when YOU feel like it. I'm not a fake woman, nor will i cater to everyone who calls me out of my name. I'am on another level and refuse to let anyone bring me down. Don't get me wrong, I sometimes see and old friend and we reconnect but get this right please. These were people with GOOD intentions/motives. They have always been real.

I choose to only keep those who will ADD TO ME LIFE in my life. So The nasty online msgs, the labels you give me, the hate mail I get because I didnt respond to you RIGHT THAT SECOND are not appealing. I LOVE alllll of the support and msgs and comments and emails and response I get and I do my best to respond 2 everyone but please know I'am one person with many roles and responsibilities. Time is limited and my life is crazy! Music Defines Me & Will Forever Be Me. I hope you all continue to be here for me and understand my position :) kisses