Tis' The Season

Well it will officially be Christmas in about 2 and a half hours...2009...wow...
It was definitely crazy, a journey, had it's up's and down's but I learned alot about myself. Tomorrow is Christmas and even though it is getting smaller in my family, I cherish every minute of it. It's looking like I will not be at home this time next year so I'm going to enjoy this Christmas at home...
Many major changes and plans are in the works right now and I really hope it works out well for me. So many doors have opened this year and I'm excited to see just how much farther I will go in 2010....Well I hope everyone enjoys their Holiday, whichever one you celebrate :)
Kisses everyone

Holiday Season

Well 2009 is wrapping up and Christmas is this Friday...
I've really been thinking about this year and how far I have come. Next year will be even greater. More music, graduating in May, planning on transferring and moving, also will hopefully have a new job. So much in the works and I'm very excited.
One thing I learned this year was to push myself and not settle for less than I know I can attain. I spent time this year worrying about situations I shouldn't have and always trying to fix things that I was unable to fix. I was so easy to settle on certain things just so I wouldn't have to deal with it any further which is not me at all. So 2010 is going to be amazing. I'm never that woman to back down or sit and not accomplish anything. You will see alot from me this upcoming year so stay tuned!
As for Christmas, I'm ready for it. Egg-nog,presents, family time. Should be a good week/weekend...My advice for everyone tonight? Be yourself in every situation for the real you will take you far.. Goodnight everyone...

Cross Fire

Today was good, thought it would finish out that way but it didn't...
I really enjoyed today, makeup and outfit were on pt, ran errands, got boba with Kiki, went back 2 her place and had a bomb dinner and watched a movie,but now here I'am upset, due to another's actions.
Here's a little something about me: communication is key. I do not enjoy guessing games nor people being okay one minute then outta the blue change up with NO communication.Do not leave me in the dark.
Tonight something came up where for some reason, I'm being negatively affected. Someone close2me is going through something because of their X.Now needing ur own space is fine but when you push ME away, hurt ME because of what your X or whoever is doing to YOU, that is not the biz to me. I've done nothing but be down for this person so to have them not call or text back, not even meet up with me to talk in person is a slap in the face. I feel like im caught in the middle of a cross fire, where 2 people are shooting, but my body is the body who gets hit with the stray bullet. That is EXACTLY how I feel right now.
To me, this is crazy. Everyone who knows me knows I not only do me, but i keep my friendships and relationships close to my heart 4 I do not get close to alot of people. So when people, out of stress or whatever, take things out on me and hurt me WHILE assuming, it really hurts me. What do I need to learn and ponder on?
That everything that glitters isn't gold. I shouldn't care so much but right now I do. I give more than I receive&it keeps biting me in the ass. I have a busy week and I do not need this ish. Bottom line, If i care enough to be consistent with you and do all i can to be there, don't shoot me with the gun when someone else shoots at you..night...

Moment of Clarity

So lately my "love life" has been on my mind. I noticed nothing EVER works out for me. Now when all said and done, I feel i have so much to offer anyone, but today I noticed something else.
So currently I'm single but have a thing for a certain someone. I knew I was a strong woman to begin with but I also knew sometimes I let things from my past creep back in and affect my present situations. For example, I talked with someone 4 over 4 yrs and never got the title. He messed me up emotionally and mentally really bad when it comes to trusting men and letting my guard down. So i found out today, Im letting those negative past issues come back up with this new man. I dont see myself as this scared person when it comes to men but somethings i said today showed me that I need to forget and accept those issues. I never compare anyone to the one next to them, but I realized Im still letting my past affect me and I shouldnt, its not fair to anyone and definitely doesnt show this new man who I'am or how I feel. So to this man:

I'm sorry, I view you on a whole different level and our potential is amazing. I only ask for you to realize I'am working through my past pains and don't stray from me while I do so, I appreciate you and "Dig" you, you know this :) I tend to express myself at an extreme level and I'm sorry if you take it in anyway other than how I mean it. My past is crazy, I've been hurt so much so being treated well is very new for me, I'm trying handsome, MW I care alot, dont forget that :)

My lesson for myself today, let go of all past experiences that will hinder you from gaining something amazing. Im slowly starting to learn that it's okay to take my wall down and especially with "MW",I ned to be able to start fresh and let the past go. Im a major hard ass at times, and "getting sum1 b4 they get me" has always been my defense mechanism, obviously it's wrong lol so I'm trying to fix that completely.So like Madea, Getting them b4 I get Got is what I'm used to lol but I see something now that is so new and something I want so bad, I'm willing to do anything I can...just my thoughts today :)